I've got two people in mind...
#1: He used to be my best friend, I could tell him anything. When we used to go out for nights he'd be the only one that stayed sober or nearly sober and he always looked after me. He didn't judge people, that's something that stood out about him as well. And now look at him. What happened?? It's ever since he started going there. It really has changed him though... now he hardly even talks to me, and has started looking down on people. People who used to look down on him? What happeneddddddd???? Bring the old him back =[
#2: We used to be so close. Then we didn't talk for months. And when we got close again, I realised he'd changed, but it all seemed pretty good... but in the past couple of months, it's like he's changed completely... the person who probably knew me better than anyone else ever has... and all of sudden he's a complete stranger to me. It just feels so weird.
Ugh, yeh.
]]>Woman #1: writes in about how she thinks her husband's having an affair.
Woman #2: writes in about how she's just found out the man she's seeing is married.
And it's the same person!
Could happen.
Whenever I used to hear someone say “make your own decisions, and do what you want”, I never used to really give it much thought, I always thought I did.
It was only one week in March, when Alison asked me, "what did you used to aim for when you was younger?" and after thinking about it, I replied with something similar to, "I used to always try and live up to the expectations of my parents and teachers. I wanted to be as good as they expected me to be, and I used to feel really bad if one time I didn't". Then she asked, "what about now?" which made me think a lot more. And I realised that for the past few years, the expectations of my friends and peers have become more important to me, how they expect me to be is how I've aimed to be, and I've been afraid to do anything different or anything that they would never do or expect me to do.
That morning changed my outlook on life completely.
It made me realise, that it's MY expectations I should be living up to, and that I haven't been doing that completely. All this time, I thought I had, but really I'd been doing the complete opposite. Since leaving that room that morning, every decision I've made I've thought about in a different way. No more asking "what would she think if I wore this?", now it's more "forgetting everybody else exists, what do I think of this, honestly?". And for some reason I think it's made me a lot more confident as well.
I no longer get disappointed, because I'm setting myself reasonable ideas of the way I want my life to be... and I know I can achieve it all. If you're going to try and live up to other people's expectations, you're always going to go against at least one person's views, so you're always going to lose somehow.
And other people's ideas can change suddenly. You might spend ages trying to make yourself a certain, because you think you'll be more accepted, but then just as you achieve, the person who inspired you to be like that will change their mind and then you're just stuck.
I'm not saying I never used to be myself, I just never used to be my whole self.
Or at least that's how I think of it.
And I'm sorry if any of this sounds at all cliche.